Admire vs. Desire

He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord” (Pro. 18:22). Men, do you know what you have in the wife you have chosen? Too many men find themselves looking with desire at other women as their marriage becomes “stale.” He had had the pleasure of his wife so many times that she lost the “luster” he initially saw in her. Soon he begins the search for a newer, shinier trophy that he can conquer and display for all the world to see. When he finds her, he “dumps” the “love of his life,” as he so often called her, and makes off with the other woman. Too often, there are also children who have to suffer the consequences of his roving eye. But, his desire to touch something new, to once again feel like a teenager, to enjoy the pleasures of new “flesh” overshadows the need to be a faithful husband and good role model for his children.

I do not believe it’s wrong to admire the beauty of another human being. Both my wife and I can appreciate the attributes of another man or woman, but we distinguish between admire and desire. You see, admiring someone does not have the same characteristics desire has attached to it. Admiring someone does not always include just their outward appearance. More often than not it is based on an appreciation of their grace, poise, love for other people, and a host of other excellent properties they display in their daily lives. That is not the case with desire, however. It is not an observation but a selfish emotion that wants to obtain the object for oneself at all costs. It craves with no regard to the pain it will inflict on others. Everything that was once good is left behind in pursuit of the new.

But let’s take a look at what is being left behind. A woman that you treasured enough to commit to but now consider waste. One that you would gladly have fought a wild animal to protect but now treat worse than one. A woman who you proudly called “love,” “baby,” “wifey,” or some other unique name, but now call the worst of names. She was someone you honored with the promise of your loyalty and dedication but now dishonor with defilement. What is left behind is someone who looks at you with a love that is hard to imagine. A lady who lives her love for you, who admires you even as your body begins to lose its youthful appearance. She carries you on a pedestal and treats you like a king, even when you act like a clown. She cared for you when you acted like a baby every time you became ill and gladly suffered the ravages childbirth inflicts on a woman to provide you with children. Someone who has been there at your side during your best and worst moments in life. She laughed at your silly jokes because she actually thought you were funny even though you probably were not. She has never desired another man over you and could not imagine life without you.

Her best years have been yours to enjoy. When she speaks your name, her words carry with such adoration that others are left admiring her loyalty to you. She does not care what others think of you and will defend you even in the light of overwhelming evidence to the contrary. This diamond that you sought with fierce intent and now cast aside like a lump of coal would and has given everything she is a gift to you. Stop looking at what you don’t have a take a look at what is yours already. And if you are a Christian, you might want to Google “God’s idea of marriage” before you do something selfish and foolish that has devastating consequences.

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